More and more, I found my thoughts returning to Bend, Oregon, and the people I had left behind. I missed my family and my friends. Fourteen months and...I still hadn't gone home for a visit. I knew when I went home it would be for good and my pride wasn't ready to admit defeat yet.But that wasn't the only reason.I was afraid of running into Curt. How could I face him again after the way I had treated him? Afraid he was with me for the wrong reasons, I had given up the only man I had ever loved.. ‘Now look, Tony, when we meet these people later you are going to be carrying this gun. You are going to know how to hold it and how to shoot the damn thing. These guys are not really to be trusted, they have got to think you can handle yourself and are someone to reckon with. Do you understand? Any weakness will be spotted and for god’s sake don’t mention the troubles. If they think you are a spy then we are all in deep shit. This is a money deal and that’s all they think we are interested. More

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