By the next summer when you came to the UK on the return visit a few things had changed, we had both recently turned 18, your braces had gone, you ooz...d an air of confidence and sexiness and you had a hunger in your eyes that made me feel like I was carefully being sized up as lunch — which for an innocent but horny teenager made for an interesting combination. As you got off the coach at the airport I noticed your body had changed too, a year before you were dressed down and covered — hiding. My discomfort, I feel certain, would not have been the resultof a wistful jealousy toward cis women, nor would it have come from afear that being near such a space might cause suspicion about my fa?adeof masculinity, though I suspect that comes closer to the truth. Try as Imight to engage in this metacognitive interrogation of my pretransitionself, the only conclusion I can come to is that I did not genuinely seemyself as female, at the time.That, in and of itself, may not be cause for. More

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