“Do you, Sarah, take this man, Ted, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, to love, cherish, and guide, for ...etter or worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?” I turned to the lovely bride, now knocked up by yours truly, though it was hardly visible yet.Damn, that thought reminded me of the film Valmont, with the scene where Jeffrey Jones married Fairuza Balk (okay, their characters wed, but you get my point. (Alan did.)Alan saw his sister pick up something the size of a hotdog from daddy’s lap. It was soft and floppy. Just below it was a small bag with two lumps inside. Holly: Alan, this is daddy’s staff-of-life; you can just call it his “staff” if you like. It is very soft at the moment. Before you can milk it, you will have to get it hard. Use your hands like this. (Holly began to slide both hands up and down the staff slowly.) Be very gentle. Use both hands sometimes or one hand and use. More

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