It seemed as if we were invisible as they talked about all the things that was on there. Of course i knew about all this, but the fact that my mom did...surprised me! I wondered if she knew i had seen some of it and actually partook in that pleasure quite often, when they were asleep. We arrived back at the barn and everyone was going to sleep. i pretended like i was really tired and went and hung out in my loft. After all the lights were off and everyone was asleep, the house seemed dead enough. I remember watching the movie ‘Saving Private Ryan’. There’s a scene in that movie where a young boy tastes chocolate for the first time. You could see the reaction to experiencing something so good for the first time. I think that was what it was like to experience physical touch. It was electric.I started finding ways to make that physical connection with people. The easiest and most obvious one was Michael. He’s 3 years older than me and I adored him. He was a junior in high school at this. More

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