That evening, they were lettinghim beat me up in the basement. It was clear I couldn't do a thing aboutit. He was going to make me give him a blowjob ...ecause I was a girl.Because I couldn't fight him, I must like more girlish activities. Ibecame very scared and agreed to anything to avoid that. So I agreed topose for pictures wearing her dresses and crap. Alicia's was breathing erratically. Mark could tell she starting topanic. Alicia e was shivering and sweating. Alicia was talking betweenhis. Ilooked in the mirror and once again I was very pleased with how I looked.Charlie was definitely nowhere to be seen. Part of me was proud by how goodI did and the other half of me was turned on by how good I did. I feltextremely girly yet I was attracted to how I looked. I hate feelings.Weird. Weird. Weird.I opened the cabinet to get my mom's heat curler. I liked the way my hairlooked with the curls. It made me feel more feminine and I wanted it tolook good for Michael. Wait, did I say I wanted. More

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