"This is Sam," my husband said. "If you still want to, he's going to fuck you." I had butterflies in my tummy. Sam spoke first. "You look even hotter ...han in your photos. I hope you're going to say yes" Sam was tall and fair haired - I normally go for dark haired guys - with a very muscular build. I looked at my husband. "It's OK," he said. "Say yes if you want to". Sam moved to stand in front of me and leant down to kiss me, gently at first and then I opened my mouth and his kiss became more. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope. More

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