I have always taken the greatest pleasure in things, in retrospect. The unrelenting thinking and my labyrinthine brain. I oscillate again. I am in a c...nstant dialectic of hating my thoughts and loving them. Pain and pleasure. La douleur exquise. I want more pain, more pleasure. I want to give him every immeasurable psychological inch of me this time, no wavering, no drifting, no volition. The more I give, the less I will be lost. There will be nothing left to adulterate my self-awareness. As. She seemed to like him. The other guys weren't happy. Again, I didn't care. One day I left a text book at her place after we worked on our group project. I reluctantly called her and asked if I could swing by to pick it up. I legitimately needed this text book to study. She told me to come over, and for the first time in weeks we were civil toward one another. She was acting a little weird but I didn't care to ask her what was up. I walked in to grab the book and wanted to leave. She kept. More

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