But the concern reappeared:"That arrangement has always been acceptable when I was dealing withJPM, but I don't know you. I don't know whether I can ...rust you tokeep your end of the bargain."I gave him a little girl smile that I had seen in the mirror a fewtimes: "Mr Curlew" (I had always called him Sid and talked down to him,but things were different now) "I don't know you either, but you seemlike a very nice man" (he was not) "in a very respectable business" (itwas). "I have no desire to. Even while I’m doing it, I think to myself that I want to STOP, and I can’t even stop because I’m so mired down in it all that I couldn’t climb back up, no matter how much I want to. I’m spontaneous to the extreme, and that makes it all worse. I know where to go to get what I want, but if I can’t get it there, I keep going. I keep pushing and asking and looking until I find someone who will give it to me. I might be looking for the kind of satisfaction that doesn’t even satisfy ME, it just. More

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