I think my vehemence must have got to him, because he stepped away. As I knelt down, I glanced across at Mum and knew I’d be in trouble later for my...language. I knelt down beside Cal on the floor. Her eyes were closed and one of the paramedics had a mask over her face and was regularly squeezing a bulb attached to it, forcing air into her lungs.“Can I hold her hand?” I asked softly, “I’ll stay out of your way.”The female paramedic nodded.“Though if you hear my colleague say ‘clear’, you must. ”“I’m not sad,” I told her. I wasn’t sad. Not exactly.“Did you enjoy it?”I didn’t know. I didn’t know how to explain to her that I didn’t feel much of anything. Everything felt like everything else; it was difficult to tell the difference. Things blended together until it was all the same.I marveled at her ability to put it all out there: talk to some stranger out of the blue, offer a seat, tell him some extremely personal details about your life, then kiss him, like an hour into talking to. More

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