I feel so much shame but yet still find hope in the time he allows me to be at his feet. In one sentence he can have me trembling in fear that I will ...ever be allowed in the comfort of his steel again but hopeful that he might give me a chance. I think he relishes the power he has over me, knowing he keeps me in suspense, frustrated and confused but oh, so overjoyed that he allows me a chance to try. I don’t think I can put eloquently enough into words all that he was and is to me or begin to. "I was hoping you'd want to. I have the most amazing story to tell you," I said hopefully."Oh, I'd love to. When? Tonight? Tomorrow?" She was anxious to see me, that much was evident."Whenever you want. I've got a few days leave, and I've been trying to find you since you left me that phone message from the motel in Eugene," I fibbed."You have?" She seemed shocked by the idea."Well, off and on, to tell the truth. I've been out of touch for part of the time, but I can tell you all about it when. More

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