And Carly notices my long looks at her, she senses that I'm almost constantly on the verge of saying something to her. But I can't.I want to, but I ca...'t.Even as we head to bed, I'm fighting myself. Should I? Shouldn't I? Even as I slip under my blanket, even though I'm wide awake, fidgeting restlessly.I toy with a loose thread on the blanket, chewing my lip. No. I have to do it now. I stand, the blanket slipping from me. No. I can't. What if- I shake my head.I have to.I take a deep breath,. Then, onthe pretext of using the downstairs bathroom, I descended the stairs, wentto the bathroom, looked in on my father to note that he had closed hisboxer shorts and, I assume, pretended sleep. Nothing was ever said aboutthis episode. About 6 months later, another situation aroused my curiosity withmy father's body even more. I remember it well. I came home from schoolat 3:00 and, as most k**s at this age, I moved quickly to the icebox for abite to eat. My mother stood menacingly between the. More

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