I could then exchange it, to my benefit, but the abusers actually confirmed, in my mind, that the power was ultimately mine.“I realized that for me,...pain and pleasure intermingled. Pain is something I sensed, of course, but I sometimes could be at choice if I let it hurt me. In some sexual contexts, a particular sensation could be painful or pleasurable -- Howard is very careful not to damage me, because I can enjoy rough anal more than is safe for me.“Oh, this isn’t strictly one-way. Howard. After all she was my boss. Not only that, but quarterly performance review was coming up. My raise depended on it. I had to be good.Performance review time soon rolled around. I really was not looking forward to it. Oh, I was looking forward to the time I got to spend in her office. I would be sitting right across from Helene looking right into her eyes. I could stare and daydream all I wanted to for a time anyway. I was looking forward to that. She did have a reputation as being tough at. More

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