Just a thin white cotton sheet between us. I let out a moan as he knocked the wind out of me when he plopped on top of me. I kept saying "shhhh" as h...s mouth was inches from my ear as he layed on top. I put my hand over his mouth and kept saying "quite...shhhhh....your yellin in my ear dude!". Ryan had made some comments too, about how lame I was to pass out and miss all the fun at the club. Telling me all the fun they had and all the women they had met...and HOW MANY PHONE NUMBERS THEY. Not love, not hate, not fear, not desire. None of those things drove mebefore. It was money, sure, and need to do things right. To keepthings clean and tidy. Emotions are messy. I saw myself as more of anengineer - measured, precise, correct. The very opposite of Vanessa -emotional, impulsive, caring.Hormones? Could that be it? Chemistry is the scientific explanation.But somehow my change seemed more spiritual than chemical. It had beensudden, like an epiphany, sparked by those blue. More

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